A low growl reverberated through the corridor, piquing my hairs like the plush carpet beneath us.

“Did you hear that?” I asked Elle.

“Why are you walking so slow?” she complained.

As my oldest friend, I’d learnt to file her fussy impatience as an endearing quirk. When she was almost always stuck with me—a guy whose expertise lay so far outside the field of combat, they spoke separate native languages—for quests like these, I couldn’t blame her irritability; she’d just had to slay an entire hoard of goblins by herself, with my moral support starting and ending with a misaimed dagger throw (where I’d subsequently lost the damn thing) and help patching her up afterwards.

Just because I was useless though, it didn’t mean I couldn’t tease her.

“Why are you always in such a hurry?” I countered. “Stop and smell the flowers.”

Elle rolled her eyes. “We’re in a hotel corridor, Adam. There are no flowers. Also, I need the toilet.”

I snorted. “Fair enough. You are always hurrying about though.”

“Maybe I’m trying to get away from you,” she suggested. “In fact, yeah. That’s definitely it. You keep following me though, damn it.”

Her playful smile juxtaposed her satirical tone, something I’d always enjoyed.

“Ugh,” I fake grimaced. “The horror! My best friend whom I love and cherish keeps following me around and making me happy! I hate my life!”

Elle scoffed. “No,” was all she said.

I laughed. “Nice comeback.”

“It wasn’t a comeback.”

“Right,” I teased. “So, you agree with my assessment?”

Elle sighed, drawing her brows into ginger creases. “Adam, I’m a simple woman. I just want the bathroom.”

“Well, that’s good, since we’re here.”

I swiped our room key and opened the door. After our long day, and the unanimous decision for a room service dinner, my heart was dandily skipping in anticipation. Fantasies surrounding a candy floss bubble bath and a bed of sponge cake iced in fresh sheets dissolved however, in the smell that smacked me between the eyes. It was like a skunk living in a swamp vomiting rotten eggs. I caught sight of a large, grey animal rump with matted fur before I swung the door shut.

“What the hell?” Elle demanded. “You do know, I might wet myself?”

“As much as I’d love to see that,” I said, my instincts helicoptering into a frenzy, “we have a problem.”

“We will have a problem in a minute,” Elle warned.

“There’s something in our room!” I hissed.

She arched an eyebrow. “Adam, I know they ate your cookies once but that’s no way to speak about the cleaners. It was one biscuit, for god’s sake.”

“No,” I cried. “Like an animal! A really big animal.”

“You don’t know they ate it,” Elle continued. “They could’ve knocked it on the floor and had to throw it away or something—”

“Elle, listen,” I implored, taking her by the shoulders in frustration.

She brushed me away and swatted me to the side. “Get off and move.”

“Get your sword ready,” I urged, blocking the door. “I brought other weapons but they’re in my suitcase.”

A loud bang erupted from the door as if the animal had realised we were on the wrong side for it to have a tasty snack. We both jumped back in alarm and it finally dawned on Elle that there was something wrong.

“Holy hell,” she muttered, drawing her artfully curved sword, still sticky with congealed goblin blood. “What is it?”

“It looked like a demon cow,” I replied nervously. “With grey fur and it smelt a-real-bad.”

We heard a hissing noise behind the door and a second later, a poisonous-green fog began seeping from under it. Elle’s eyes widened and she grabbed my arm to yank me back.

“Don’t breathe it in!” she warned urgently.

I was already holding in my lungs. “You think?”

Elle covered her respiratory entrances with her hand, so I borrowed the point of her sword to rip a line of fabric off the bottom of my shirt.

“Is this the right time to experiment with crop tops?” she asked in amusement. “Don’t get me wrong, Brandon will go crazy for it, but—”

I interrupted her by shoving the fabric at her mouth. “Tie this into a mask.”

Elle slapped me away but did as I’d asked as I tore another chunk off for myself. They were thin, so likely wouldn’t ward off a full blast, but would hopefully be enough to prevent us dying immediately in its vicinity.

“Still don’t breathe it in,” Elle repeated. “Don’t get in its way. Stay back. Leave it to me.”

“Hey, no,” I disagreed. “I can help.”

Elle eyed me up and down, unimpressed. “You don’t have a weapon,” she went with.

I scoffed. “I can still help.”

The cow monster bashed its head against the door again, more insistently this time.

“Just leave it to me, Adam,” Elle snapped. “Give me the key before it breaks the damn door down and we have to pay the hotel for carpentry bills.”

I considered negotiating but only for a second before I put it in perspective and passed the card over. Elle swiped it and the door opened just before the cow barged into it again. That did mean it crashed right out of the room and into the opposite wall, its barbed tail whipping maliciously.

I managed to leap out of the way in time, but the cow seemed to notice me doing a weird cartwheel out of its direct path. Shakily, I arose, holding my breath in case it decided to gift me with its poison. Sensing the animal’s legs tense, I swore loudly at its fiery, dead eyes, pretty sure I was about to be mauled to death by a cow of all things. Thankfully, Elle stabbed at it from behind and it roared hideously, forgetting about me as it turned around and shot back the way it came into our room, its hide having protected it from a fatal hit.

Elle shouted, “Stay there!” then darted after it. I had no such intentions though and I followed.

The cow was roaring angrily, stamping on the desk and shattering it to splinters.

So much for avoiding carpentry bills.

It grabbed a pillow from the bed and tore it to shreds, blowing green smoke everywhere and smelling so disgusting, I was increasingly sure I would pass out if I inhaled it directly.

Elle was trying to stay behind as it was distracted with its new chew toy, so she could avoid detection. She was attempting to stab at it, but apparently its fur was pretty impenetrable despite her strength.

“Underneath,” I instructed, which I thought had been a quiet tone, but apparently the cow disagreed. It turned its head towards me, eyes as murky as the mist.

“Adam,” Elle half complained in annoyance, half screamed in fear.

I darted onto the bed so I could jump over the monster as it thundered into a charge.

“How did it get in here?” I demanded, picking up the duvet to throw over it, hoping to shield its vision. “We’re on the fifth bloody floor!”

The cow bucked its hips and head like a seesaw, attempting to rip the duvet off. Elle tried to get a clear hit, but the animal was going crazy and its legs kept blocking her aim. “Did you order room service early?” she panted with a hint of sarcasm.

“Room service?” I shrieked incredulously, bolting to my suitcase to retrieve my weapons. The bag got wrenched away from me by a writhing cow leg and slammed into the window on the other side of the wall.

“Room service,” Elle agreed. “Some assembly required.”

I laughed despite the situation. “I think we ordered the wrong thing. I might be allergic to this one.”

The yelp plucked my vocal cords as I darted out of the way of the barrelling cow, which now looked like a pet dog that’d been dressed as a Halloween ghost by their sad owners. Although, the sheet was starting to get more shreds in it than a cheese grater.

“Adam, get out!” Elle cried in desperation.

I held up my hand, showing off the dagger I’d finally managed to retrieve. “I have a weapon now.”

That was right before the demon cow drummed into me and I flew through the air, my organs lassoed to the ceiling fan. Thankfully, I landed on the sofa, but I groaned on impact because an armrest had punched a new curve into my spine, winding me.

The cow kicked up its front legs, ready to trample me. I squealed and took advantage of the adrenaline running rampant in my bloodstream to force myself to get up, using the sofa to jump over the wreckage of the desk. Elle followed the cow, which was following me around the room, like the weirdest conga line ever.

I heard the phone ring and for some reason—likely related to ADHD—my brain made me pick up. “Hello?”

“You’re answering the phone?” Elle exclaimed in disbelief. “Adam, get out of the way!”

“Hello,” the person on the phone said. “I hope you’re enjoying your evening. It’s just that we’ve been having some noise complaints—”

ROAR!

The cow screamed into the receiver then crushed it against the wall. I cried out and tried to stab at its underbelly, but it swerved, sending splinters of pain up my wrist, and continued its rampage on our room.

“We’re being too loud,” I informed Elle.

She gave me a disgusted look. “Okay, do you want to tell the demon or should I? Maybe we should take it out to dinner to soften the blow.”

“I think it wants us as dinner,” I replied.

“I’m thinking of sacrificing your stupid ass,” Elle admitted. “You’re being so annoying— Adam!”

The demon had managed to bite at my shirt, and I collapsed onto the bed as it yanked me back. I closed my eyes shut tight against my instincts and held my breath, because I didn’t really know what else to do; the rumbling was quaking my eardrums and its odour abused my nostrils, becoming so strong, I could smell it without even breathing in.
It let out a roar a centimetre from my face and my heart burrowed in fear. I clenched, preparing for whatever being eaten by a cow would feel like. But then came a swish of a sword, a squelch and the monster made a dreadful, deep whining sound that reached an octave from hell. The next second, I was buried in a rotting carcass.

I opened my eyes slowly, in time to see Elle drop her sword and sprint to the bathroom instead of helping me out.

Priorities.